Wednesday, April 2, 2014

juice cleanse. day one.

Tyler during a moment I can only explain by saying I think he was abducted by aliens, decided it was a good idea for us to do a juice cleanse since it would be a good bonding activity.  He also decided it was a good idea to give this couples cleanse as a Valentine's Day gift but we wont touch at that point right now. I wont discuss the ungodly amount he spent on said juice because it will just remind me that he could have spent close to that same amount on a Vitamix which I have been dreaming about for close to year now and if he did that I could have made him juice and smoothies and all sorts of fun things everyday.   Instead I am stuck with a refrigerator full of rainbow colored juices.  

Tyler is off his rocker.  

So here I am on day one of a supposedly multi-day juice cleanse contemplating whether or not consuming 5 gallons of water today will help me feel full.  I'm going to go with no, it's just going to make me pee a lot. 

I figured documenting this would make for an interesting read so throughout the day I'm going to jot down my thoughts.  I hope you find this whole process more amusing then I do.  

8:47AM - Reading the NYTimes dinning section on a day you are juice cleaning is an ill-advised idea.   Meeting your friends for dinner at Shake Shack (where they will be eating burgers and you will be drinking cashew milk) is also a bad decision.  

11:44AM - I am hungry and dreaming of bread.  This isn't good.  
12:18PM - Dinner with friends cancelled which means I can avoid having dreams about burgers, shakes, and french fries tonight.  I think that's a good thing.  
1:49PM - I'm not as hungry as I imagined I would be.  Probably because I've consumed more water and liquid then I ever do on a regular basis.  I've peed what feels like 20 times thus far today.   
1:57PM - I am having my third drink which is actually rather tasty.  Kind of like a weird coconut/chocolate shake and reading Serious Eats.  I think looking at pictures of food while juicing makes me a masochist.  
2:56PM - Dreaming of something, anything salty.  Salted almonds sound divine right now.  
4:18PM - Discussing your wedding is a superbly awesome distraction from hunger.  
8:38PM - Tyler thinks he can juice for the next 4 days.  I think he's delusional.  He will regret this statement tomorrow when he's crying and begging for food.  I have no shame in admitting I can't go more then 3 days and I think even that is pushing it.
8:49PM - I am not in the slightest bit hungry, I just find myself unsatisfied.  Food is satisfying.  

I survived day one.  I kind of feel like a champion.  

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