Tyler during a moment I can only explain by saying I think he was abducted by aliens, decided it was a good idea for us to do a juice cleanse since it would be a good bonding activity. He also decided it was a good idea to give this couples cleanse as a Valentine's Day gift but we wont touch at that point right now. I wont discuss the ungodly amount he spent on said juice because it will just remind me that he could have spent close to that same amount on a Vitamix which I have been dreaming about for close to year now and if he did that I could have made him juice and smoothies and all sorts of fun things everyday. Instead I am stuck with a refrigerator full of rainbow colored juices.
Tyler is off his rocker.
So here I am on day one of a supposedly multi-day juice cleanse contemplating whether or not consuming 5 gallons of water today will help me feel full. I'm going to go with no, it's just going to make me pee a lot.
I figured documenting this would make for an interesting read so throughout the day I'm going to jot down my thoughts. I hope you find this whole process more amusing then I do.
8:47AM - Reading the NYTimes dinning section on a day you are juice cleaning is an ill-advised idea. Meeting your friends for dinner at Shake Shack (where they will be eating burgers and you will be drinking cashew milk) is also a bad decision.
11:44AM - I am hungry and dreaming of bread. This isn't good.
12:18PM - Dinner with friends cancelled which means I can avoid having dreams about burgers, shakes, and french fries tonight. I think that's a good thing.
1:49PM - I'm not as hungry as I imagined I would be. Probably because I've consumed more water and liquid then I ever do on a regular basis. I've peed what feels like 20 times thus far today.
1:57PM - I am having my third drink which is actually rather tasty. Kind of like a weird coconut/chocolate shake and reading Serious Eats. I think looking at pictures of food while juicing makes me a masochist.
2:56PM - Dreaming of something, anything salty. Salted almonds sound divine right now.
4:18PM - Discussing your wedding is a superbly awesome distraction from hunger.
8:38PM - Tyler thinks he can juice for the next 4 days. I think he's delusional. He will regret this statement tomorrow when he's crying and begging for food. I have no shame in admitting I can't go more then 3 days and I think even that is pushing it.
8:49PM - I am not in the slightest bit hungry, I just find myself unsatisfied. Food is satisfying.
I survived day one. I kind of feel like a champion.