I guess I'm back?

Hi.

It's been a while.  I've been gone a while.  Not intentional, but I'm not sure I knew what to say.  It's been a long, weird 20 months, and I've been trying to find my footing in this new world.  Some days I feel like a newborn giraffe, trying to figure out how to stand on my own.  What does the world look like for me, someone in their mid-thirties, in a post (?) pandemic world.  A lot has changed.  Cooking's evolved, I've evolved.  For a while I wasn't sure if I had anything to say so I stayed quiet. 

I've been working, reading, trying to be creative in many different ways.  I've been cooking and baking and pushing myself, challenging myself but it some ways it also feels like I've been trying to convince myself to not stop moving.  If I stop, what do I have to show for myself?  What did I do with my time if I don't spend it making 3 kinds of jam, a pot of beans, a cheese danish, a freezer full of fresh tomato sauce.  Did I accomplish anything?  

Cooking I've come to realize serves a lot of purposes.  Sure, it' feeds me and Tyler but it also is something I use to keep myself busy.  It's a way to pass my time in a tangible way.  Cooking says "Look what I did! Can you believe it?".  But the question I've been wrestling with is why do I feel like I need to prove to everyone I'm always doing something? I think the pandemic in some ways gave us all this time - less commuting, less ability to leave the home, and you had to show you did something with it.  Did you start a business? Figure out how to run a sub 7 minute mile?  Can you plank for 2 minutes? Did you write a book? As a woman, with no kids, I felt like I needed to prove myself even more. It was exhausting in a lot of ways and I'm starting to push back on my inner voice. You don't need to do everything to show you did something. You also don't need to prove anything to anyone.

With all that being said, I have been cooking.  A lot.  More then I've ever cooked.  I've made some amazing things.  Things that 2 years ago I would never think I could do.  I've made laminated pastry, perfect pots of beans, scones for every season. I've done it all in a tiny kitchen with minimal counterspace.    I feel ready to come back here because I feel like I'm coming back for myself - not to prove anything but because I like talking about food and the things I make.  I will probably not come back with any regularity because life has a way of getting in the way but I'll be here, sharing random thoughts, things that taste good, and maybe other things.  

pizza. a love letter to new york.

Pizza.  Not a whole pie but the quintessential slice - one that's just crispy enough that you get the satisfying crack as you fold it in half.  It should be a little too big for the plate, with red pepper flakes that you shake on it from the communal (god, remember communal things) shaker and the right amount of oily cheese. Pizza slices eaten on street corners or stoops or while speed walking to catch a train.  This is what I miss.  At the start of quarantine, eating meals at a leisurely pace with cloth napkins, on real plates, in a silent room, while reading the latest issue of NYMag felt like the luxury I've always wanted.  But now, 6 weeks in, I long to consume something pulled directly from a paper bag, piping hot, surrounded by strangers.   I miss snippets of conversations.  I miss burning my tongue in a rush to eat.  I miss flimsy paper napkins that barely absorb anything despite being giving a stack 1/2 inch high but no one complains because they satisfy a need.  I miss taking all of 3 minutes to eat, looking down and saying a silent thank you to the gods that I didn't manage to get a fleck of tomato sauce on my shirt, and then, finding a trash can to throw away the grease soaked paper plate before rushing off.   

one-pot chicken with dates and caramelized lemon.

The thing I find most amazing about life during a pandemic is how often your emotions ebb and flow.  Two weeks ago was a mess.  It felt long and hard and like the movie Groundhogs Day.  Last week felt remarkably easier.  This week has been a toss-up.  I think it has something do with the fact that the new routines don't feel so new anymore.  I know what my day is going to look and feel like - I'm starting to feel comfortable?  Ok with? Understanding of? my new life.  It's not great but it could look a lot worse.  

For me, I've been looking for some kind of purpose during this crisis.  Sure I'm doing whats required of me but can I also do more?  Can I make an impact? Help people out?  With food, and good wholesome food, as the thing everyone is looking for, I thought about how I could help bring that to the people while supporting a farm I hold near and dear to my heart.  This is how I've found myself in the position of organizing a CSA with the farm that's part of the Saturday morning farmers market at the park near me.   Organizing this has left me feeling excited and positive.  It makes me feel hopeful and that spring, despite the circumstances in the world, is coming.  There will be green things and rhubarb and all the other things I find you in.  I'm feeling happy.   

I continue to cook a lot (and experiment a lot!).  It brings me joy during the day but also provides me with a way to break-up the day.   I step away from the computer at lunchtime, some thing I've never done before.  It's a nice respite in the middle of the day.  I've had a hard time getting into books but I've had an easy time getting into cookbooks so I've been reading them like novels.  It provides a lot of inspiration.  

This recipe came from one of my latest cookbook reading binges.  Alison Roman is everywhere and I know people love her or hate her but regardless on how you feel about her, her recipes are always fantastic.  Bold, flavorful, the kind of things you want to eat while stuck at home in the pandemic.  This chicken recipe is fantastic.  Makes excellent leftovers and tastes far more labor intensive than it really is.   

One-Pot Chicken with Dates and Caramelized Lemon
Recipe from Nothing Fancy by Alison Roman

3 1/2-4 pound chicken (or skin-on bone-in chicken thighs/legs which is what I used)
Kosher Salt and Freshly Ground Black Pepper
4 Tablespoons olive oil, divided
1 lemon, cut into thick slices crosswise, seeds removed
2 shallots, peeled and halved lengthwise
4-6 medjool dates, pitted (1 per person to be served in my opinion)
4 sprigs fresh thyme plus more for serving
1 cup water
2 teaspoons ground Urfa chile or 1 teaspoon Aleppo pepper or 1 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
Flaky sea salt for serving

Preheat oven to 425 degrees with rack in the middle.

Season chicken all over (top and bottom) with kosher salt and black pepper. Heat 2 Tablespoons oil in a large Dutch oven over medium-high heat (I used a 7.25 quart size which is the smallest you can do with this recipe). Place the chicken in the post breast side up, and using your tongs or hands (be careful!), press lightly to make sure the skin comes into even contact with the pot bottom. This is your chance to brown the legs and render that's excess fat! It's rarely offered in whole-chicken recipes, so take advantage.

Cook, without moving, until the chicken is nice and browned, about 5-8 minutes. Seriously, no peeking! Nothing exciting will happen before 5 minutes, I promise you.

Add the lemon slices and shallot, maneuvering the chicken however you need so that the slices come into contact with the bottom of the pot. Don't worry about smooshing the lemons. Let everything sizzle in the chicken fat until lightly caramelized, about 2 minutes.

Add the dates, thyme sprigs and water. Sprinkle red pepper over chicken if using; cover. Roast in oven until dates are plump and chicken is well under way with its cooking, 20-25 minutes.

Uncover the pot and drizzle the chicken with the remaining 2 Tablespoons of oil. Return to the oven and bake, uncovered until liquid has reduce by half, and chicken is golden brown, 20-30 minutes. A thermometer should register 160 degrees when inserted into the breast, if using.

Let chicken rest in the pot for 10 minutes. Transfer to a cutting board and carve. Sprinkle with thyme leaves, flaky salt and serve with roasted shallots, lemon slices, dates and the luscious sauce at the bottom of the pan. Enjoy!

apple-honey-pecan muffins.

Last night, after shutting down my laptop for the night, I threw on a Spotify playlist and had a one woman dance party while Tyler and Jackson looked on with bemused looks on their face.  To be fair, Tyler nodded his head a couple of times.  Jackson on the other hand barely looked up even while i was serenading him with Queens "Somebody to Love".  This is how we end the work-day.  

This social-isolation thing does weird things to people.  I feel like my emotions ping pong every which way a thousand times a day.  Sometimes I want to scream into the abyss, other times I feel like I could do this for weeks and be OK.  Am I slowly going insane or am I slowly adjusting to a new normal?  One where pants are optional, make-up is non existent, and homemade lunches are how you find ways to break-up the day?  How does your relationship change when the only person you can really interact with is the person you're married to and is sitting 20 feet from you at all times?   

Honestly, outside of Tyler's need to snack when I know he isn't really hungry, it's kind of like he isn't really here.  I realized the other day that both of us are similar with regards to our work style.  When we are in something we are really in something and whatever is happening around us is like the noise coming out of a sound machine - there but we don't really notice it.   I find that I can more easily disengage myself when the day is over, he on the other hand needs someone to say close the computer.  It's interesting when you realize you know a person so well, but aspects of them you don't know because you've really never been privy to them before.   

I think the thing I've learned from all of this is that you have to figure out a way to make some kind of joy each day.  For me that joy comes from food and eating and I've been using this time to try all of the recipes I never would have time to try.  Things I've had bookmarked for a year are now finally being made.  Sunday morning breakfasts that used to be simple meals are now (slightly) over the top -  homemade muffins.  Fresh granola.  Things like that.  It's fun to try new things.   

I made these muffins this past Sunday.  They were a real delight.  I especially liked the fact that you could make the batter and apples up to 2 days earlier.  On Sunday morning I simply assembled them as instructed and baked them up.  We both eat 2 while watching a couple of episodes of Shitt's Creek.  It made for a fantastic distraction.   

Apple-Honey-Pecan Muffins
Recipe from Ochre Bakery via Bon Appetit 

Feel free to sub the pecans for hazlenuts or another favorite nut! 

2 medium Pink Lady or Jonagold apples
⅔ cup (75 g) pecans
2 Tbsp. unsalted butter
2 Tbsp. honey
Flaky sea salt
¾ cup (100 g) all-purpose flour
½ cup (60 g) spelt flour or all-purpose flour
1½ tsp. baking powder
¼ tsp. baking soda
½ tsp. kosher salt
2 large eggs, room temperature
¾ cup (150 g) granulated sugar
¾ cup plus 2 Tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil
½ cup buttermilk
Raw sugar or granulated sugar (for sprinkling)

Place a rack in middle of oven; preheat to 350°. Lightly coat flat top of a standard 12-cup muffin pan with nonstick spray (this will prevent muffins from gluing themselves to the pan). Line cups with double layers of muffin liners. Cut apples into quarters; remove cores. Cut each quarter into 4 wedges; set aside.

Pulse pecans in a food processor until you have a fine meal with a bit of texture, like coarse sand. Heat a large skillet over medium-high, then add pecans and toast, stirring, until darkened and very fragrant (it’s okay if they’re even a tiny bit burnt in spots), about 3 minutes. Transfer to a large bowl and let cool slightly.

Wipe out skillet and return to medium-high heat. Melt butter, swirling pan so that it’s evenly coated, until foaming, then add reserved apples. Drizzle with honey and generously sprinkle with sea salt. Cook, tossing often, until apples are tender and deep golden brown and glazed with honey, about 5 minutes. Scrape into a medium bowl and let cool.

Add all-purpose flour, spelt flour, baking powder, baking soda, and kosher salt to nuts; whisk to combine. Beat eggs and granulated sugar in the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the whisk attachment on high speed until mixture is thick, pale, and tripled in volume, 8–10 minutes.

Combine oil and buttermilk in a measuring glass. With motor running, gradually pour into egg mixture, stopping as soon as incorporated to prevent eggs from deflating. Scrape into bowl with dry ingredients and fold until just combined (be careful not to overmix). Scoop about 2 Tbsp. batter into each muffin cup and place an apple slice on top. Divide remaining batter among muffin cups, filling until just below the top (you may have a spoonful or two of batter left over). Place 1 apple slice on top of each, then spoon any glaze left in the bowl on top. (You’ll have a few leftover apple slices; eat them.) Sprinkle each muffin with some raw sugar and a pinch of sea salt.

Bake muffins until golden brown all over, rotating pan halfway through, 22–28 minutes. Let cool in pan 10 minutes, then transfer to a wire rack and let cool completely.

Do Ahead: Batter can be made 2 days ahead. Cover and chill.

caramelized shallot pasta.

Strange times we're in.  

This morning I woke up in bed next to Tyler with Jackson nestled in between us and I thought that with these two, a cooking imagination that has no barriers, and more then enough food and books and puzzles (+ The Office) it will be possible to survive.  That maybe at the end of all of this I'll realize i don't need much.  

But I don't think that's the case (though the above things will get me very far in this and in life!).  

As humans, we are who we are because of the things around us.  They tell a story; they make us feel complete.  I'm not dressing how I would for work but I'm still trying to be me.  Wearing earrings.  Nice sweaters.  But with leggings and sparkly socks.   I'm trying to still feel like myself every day.  I still need things to make me feel like myself.     

The thing I really long for is the rituals and collective energy of the people I would encounter and speak with each and every day.  My favorite barista at Cafe Grumpy.  The kind people at Leo Sourdough that always set aside for me one of there pepita loaves so I can pick them up later in the day.  The farmers at Lani's farm who always point me in the direction of what greens are the best that week.  In preparation  (though if we are being honest I do this even when we aren't in the midst of a pandemic) I stocked up on the things I love.  Right now, a room over from where I am sitting, I have a freezer full of pastries and bread and produce that make me me.  They are the memories and moments and adventures I've had over the past weeks and months locked away in an ice chest until i need to break out a reminder of what the world is like outside of this new normal.  I'm worried about all the people and places I hold a connection with.  Where will they be on the other side of this?  How can I help them survive?  Because without those things, who wants to live here?   

As a glass half full kind of person, I'm done my best to seek out the positives that come from this experience.  I now get to take multiple walks with Tyler and Jackson each day.  I can cook myself lunch!  I can read books and do puzzles instead of scrolling through websites when I need a break.  I can run!  I can labor over cooking projects since I'm here all day (will I finally make croissants??).   

At some point it will be summer and I keep telling myself that it will be the sweetest summer ever.  But until then, hunker down, cook, draw, move, and dream about life on the other side.  Do what you can to help the things and people you love.   

Caramelized Shallot Pasta
Recipe via the NYTimes

This sauce is BANANAS good.  It keeps in the fridge for over a week.  You can make it with pantry staples!  I like it on pasta but i really love it tossed with beans on a piece of garlic rubbed bread.  

¼ cup olive oil
6 large shallots, very thinly sliced
5 garlic cloves, 4 thinly sliced, 1 finely chopped
 Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 teaspoon red-pepper flakes, plus more to taste
1 (2-ounce) can anchovy fillets (about 12), drained
1 (4.5-ounce) tube or (6-ounce) can of tomato paste (about 1/2 to 3/4 cup)
10 ounces pasta
1 cup parsley, leaves and tender stems, finely chopped
 Flaky sea salt

Heat olive oil in a large heavy-bottomed Dutch oven over medium high. Add shallots and thinly sliced garlic, and season with salt and pepper. Cook, stirring occasionally, until the shallots have become totally softened and caramelized with golden-brown fried edges, 15 to 20 minutes.
Add red-pepper flakes and anchovies. (No need to chop the anchovies; they will dissolve on their own.) Stir to melt the anchovies into the shallots, about 2 minutes.

Add tomato paste and season with salt and pepper. Cook, stirring constantly to prevent any scorching, until the tomato paste has started to cook in the oil a bit, caramelizing at the edges and going from bright red to a deeper brick red color, about 2 minutes. Remove from heat and transfer about half the mixture to a resealable container, leaving the rest behind. (These are your leftovers to be used elsewhere: in another batch of pasta or smeared onto roasted vegetables, spooned over fried eggs or spread underneath crispy chicken thighs.)

To serve, cook pasta according to package instructions in a large pot of salted boiling water until very al dente (perhaps more al dente than usual). Transfer to Dutch oven with remaining shallot mixture (or a skillet if you are using the leftover portion) and 1 cup pasta water. Cook over medium-high heat, swirling the skillet to coat each piece of pasta, using a wooden spoon or spatula to scrape up any bits on the bottom, until pasta is thick and sauce has reduced and is sticky, but not saucy, 3 to 5 minutes.

In a small bowl, combine parsley and finely chopped garlic clove, and season with flaky salt and pepper. Divide pasta among bowls, or transfer to one large serving bowl, and top with parsley mixture and a bit more red-pepper flakes, if you like.

creamy braised white beans.

Back in October of last year, I signed up for the Rancho Gordo Bean club.  If you’re not familiar with Rancho Gordo, they are an heirloom dried bean company based in California that works with farmers to grow long-forgotten or previously hard to find varieties of beans (along with more common bean types).  Their beans are a real game changer – super beautiful, incredibly flavorful, and very fresh -  the beans cook up far faster than anything you can buy in a supermarket.  I honestly think signing up for this bean club is the best thing I’ve done in a while. 

As you can imagine, we are now eating a lot of beans which is both good for us and good for the environment.  Since joining, I’ve been cooking a pound of beans every weekend and then pushing myself to come up with new recipes/ways to eat them (though if we are being honest, my preferred meal is a simple bowl of beans in served with a little bean broth, olive oil, and a piece of really good bread).  It’s been fun.  It’s also nice coming home and having one meal component done and then just figuring out how to toss it all together.

I’ve been cooking a LOT of different recipes (and experimenting with homemade bean burgers) but so far, the best thing I’ve made, and the dish I keep coming back to is this Creamy Braised White beans.   This is pure comfort food and the kind of thing I feel like I could eat daily if you let me.  It’s easily adaptable – I’ve thrown spinach or arugula into it.  I’ve been known to top it with comte instead of parmesan.  I’ve made it with a couple of different vartities of white beans and all of them are great.   The original recipe calls for canned  but it is so much better with the real deal beans.   

I just wrote 325 words on beans and I think I could still write 500 more.  

Creamy Braised White Beans
Recipe Adapted from the NYTimes

1 tablespoon unsalted butter
1 head garlic, halved crosswise
1 cup whole milk
30 ounces white beans (any kind or a combination of 2 kinds) + ¾ - 1 cup bean broth (though you may decide you want additional broth)
1 thyme sprig, 2 sage leaves or 1 bay leaf
⅛ teaspoon ground nutmeg, allspice or garam masala
Kosher salt and black pepper
4 slices crusty bread or thick toast
Extra-virgin olive oil, for serving
Freshly grated Parmesan, comte, or another favorite cheese, for serving
Aleppo pepper or red-pepper flakes, for serving

In a medium saucepan, melt the butter over medium-high heat. Add the garlic, cut side down, and cook until golden brown, 1 to 2 minutes.

Add the milk, beans and their liquid, thyme and nutmeg and stir to combine. Season generously with salt and pepper. When the mixture begins to bubble around the edges of the pan (you don’t want it to come to a full boil), reduce the heat to low and let it simmer, stirring occasionally, until it has thickened and tastes great to you, about 15 minutes. Season with salt and pepper, to taste.

Use a fork to remove the garlic halves from the beans. Set aside until cool enough to handle, then use the fork to remove the cloves from the skins. Spread the cloves on bread or toast.

If you would like the beans to be more stew-like, mash some of the beans using a potato masher or the back of a spoon. Serve beans and milk in bowls. Garnish as you wish, with a drizzle of oil, a sprinkle of Parmesan and a pinch of Aleppo pepper and black pepper. Serve with the bread alongside for dipping.

thumbprints with dulce de leche.

I wouldn’t feel right if it didn’t post a new cookie recipe during the month of December.

With that being said, I haven’t been baking that much.  I’ve found most of the cookie recipes that came out this year felt gimmicky and were created solely for the purpose of likes on Instagram.  (I’m talking lots of bright colors and an excessive amount of sprinkles.)   In my mind, most holiday cookies should come in shades of beige – shortbread, snowballs, linzer cookies.  That is where my allegiance lies.  I’ve been combing through the backlogs of some of my favorite blogs.  Unearthing recipes that are in line with what I really want to eat – rugelach, brown butter shortbread, ginger cookies. 

This isn’t to say all the 2019 cookies recipes were a disappointment.   The one that spoke to me successfully straddled the line between tradition (thumbprints) and new (dulce de leche) – it was a perfect marriage of old and new and the resulting cookie received such rave reviews from the guinea pigs in my office that I think it’s going to become a permanent fixture in holiday cookie box. 

Thumbprints With Dulce de Leche

Recipe from the NYTimes

The NYTimes shares a bunch of variations so these are truly a “choose-your-own adventure” cookie.  Below, this includes the variation I made.  

3 ounces/85 grams whole pecans (3/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons)

2 ¼ cups/290 grams all-purpose flour, plus 2 teaspoons

1 cup/225 grams unsalted butter (2 sticks), softened

⅔ cup/135 grams granulated sugar

2 large egg yolks, at room temperature

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

½ teaspoon kosher salt

⅓ cup dulce de leche

Heat oven to 350 degrees. Spread the pecans out on a small baking sheet and cook in oven, shaking several times, until toasted, 10 to 12 minutes.

Once cooled, transfer the nuts to a food processor, preferably a mini one. Add 2 teaspoons flour and pulse just until nuts are finely ground, being careful not to overprocess.

In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream together butter and granulated sugar on medium-high speed until light and fluffy, 2 to 3 minutes, scraping bowl as needed. Add egg yolks and vanilla, and beat on medium-high speed until well combined, about 2 minutes, scraping the bowl a few times as needed.

Add 1/2 cup ground nuts, the salt and the remaining 2 1/4 cups flour; beat on low speed just until combined, then increase speed and beat until dough starts to clump together. Scrape the bowl and fold a few times to make sure everything is well mixed. Wrap dough in plastic wrap, flatten into a disk, and chill until firm, at least 1 hour and up to 3 days.

Heat oven to 350 degrees. Pinch off small pieces of dough the size of a rounded tablespoon (about 20 grams each) and roll the top half of each one in the remaining ground nuts. Place a few inches apart on parchment- or silicone mat-lined baking sheets. Chill in the freezer until firm, about 10 minutes.

Bake for 8 minutes, remove from oven and make a thumbprint in each cookie. Bake until golden brown on the bottom, and nuts are looking toasty but not burned, 6 to 8 minutes longer. Let cool a few minutes on the baking sheets and transfer to wire racks to cool further. While the cookies are still a little warm, fill each one with about 1/2 teaspoon of filling, and cool completely. Sprinkle with flaky sea salt. Cookies will keep in an airtight container at room temperature for up to 1 week.

carrot flan.

I've been thinking lately that while I'm cooking a lot I'm, I'm cooking what is referred to as to as "mommy blogger food".  The food is good!  Very good!  Healthy!  Filling!  Satisfying!  But is it exciting?  Is it remarkable?  Is it even worth writing about?  Unsure.   I think it’s good that people post those types of recipes – the things you can make in 30 minutes or less on a Tuesday evening.  It’s the kind of food I want to eat and make most nights of the week but I’m not sure it’s the kind of food I want to write about.   

The kind of recipes that make me run to this site to jot down my thoughts are the kind of recipes that teach me something.  That have interesting techniques.  They turn a humble ingredient into something that delights.  They make me say holy shit this is good.   

I’ve had this recipe bookmarked since I bought this cookbook earlier this year.  I think I book-marked it because I wasn’t sure what a carrot flan would be like.  Would it be delicious?  Odd?  Would I know it was eating carrots?  I made it around Halloween because it felt seasonally appropriate (and very on-color theme) but now that I’ve made it, I think it would be fantastic addition to a Thanksgiving dessert table.  

The consensus is that carrot flan is delicious.  Earthy but rich and comforting.  You would never guess it’s filled with carrots though I’m less sure what most people would think it tastes like.  Squash?  Something else?  Regardless, I think it belongs on a Thanksgiving table.  You can make it a couple of days ahead!  Requires no reheating on the day of!  It’s 5 ingredients (all of which I imagine you already have on hand)!  It provides a very simple end to a very traditionally over –the-top meal.     Also leftovers make a fantastic morning-after-Thanksgiving breakfast.  Especially when paired with good coffee and a good book.   

Carrot Flan
Recipe from My Mexico City Kitchen: Recipes and Convictions by Gabriela Camara

If you don’t have a flameproof baking pan, it is OK. You probably won’t be able to invert the flan after it is chilled, but you would still be able to cut it in perfect wedges.

1 pound 2 ounces carrots
¾ cup whole milk
1 cup granulated sugar
⅔ cup unsalted butter, melted
6 eggs

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Thoroughly scrub the carrots but don’t bother peeling them. Cut the carrots into 4 pieces so that they fit comfortably in a medium pot.
Place carrots in pot. Cover with water and bring to a boil. Cook carrots for about 15 minutes, until just soft. Pour them into a colander and let cool completely. Press out any excess water.

Bring a full kettle of water to a boil.

In a blender, combine carrots, milk, sugar, butter and eggs, and mix at high speed, until smooth. Grease a 10½-inch flameproof baking pan with butter. Pour mixture into pan. Place in a roasting pan. Fill roasting pan with boiling water to reach at least halfway up outside of baking pan.

Bake flan for 1 hour, 30 minutes. Place flan on a cooling rack to cool. When flan has cooled to room temperature, refrigerate overnight.

When ready to serve, place flan on stove over low heat and warm slightly to loosen the sides. Place a serving plate over pan and invert pan and plate together so that flan falls onto the plate.

Slice flan and serve with sweetened whipped cream.

big beans and tomato vinaigrette.

Two weeks ago I returned from vacation in Portugal.  I want to write about it.  And I will!  At some point!  Mostly because people keep asking me for my itinerary (I think this is a testament to what an epic planner I am)  but I haven’t gone through all my photos and I’m still waiting on film to come back and I figure when I can finally digest everything, I’ll write about it.

Until then,  let’s talk about produce.  Specifically tomatoes. 

Most days I’m dreaming about tomato sandwiches.  Weekends are for making tomato confit in an effort to freeze a little bit of summer.  I’m spending a lot of money on heirloom tomatoes in every shape, size, and color.  There are worse vices you could have.   

I’ve made this dish twice since seeing it in the August issue of Bon Appetit.  I can’t even begin to tell you how much I love it - it can actually be a meal!  Especially if you round it out with some good bread and a couple of nice cheeses.  If you’re fortunate enough to live near a farmers market where you can get fresh beans, use them here. 

Big Beans and Tomato Vinaigrette

Recipe via Bon Appetit

For the Beans

Handful of oregano sprigs

Handful of thyme sprigs

2 bay leaves

8 oz. dried butter beans, rinsed, soaked overnight if possible

1 medium onion, halved

1 large carrot, scrubbed, coarsely chopped

Kosher salt

¼ cup extra-virgin olive oil

For the Vinaigrette and Assembly

10 oz. cherry tomatoes or 1½ cups chopped heirloom or beefsteak tomatoes

1 garlic clove, smashed

3 Tbsp. red wine vinegar

⅓ cup extra-virgin olive oil, plus more for drizzling

Kosher salt

2 lb. assorted heirloom, beefsteak, and/or cherry tomatoes

Freshly ground black pepper

Handful of basil leaves

Mild red pepper flakes (such as Aleppo-style or Maras)

Make the Beans - Tie together oregano, thyme, and bay leaves with kitchen twine. Combine beans, onion, carrot, and herbs in a medium pot. Pour in water to cover beans by about 4" and bring to a very gentle simmer over medium-high heat. Immediately reduce heat and cook at the barest of simmers, stirring hardly at all, until beans are creamy and tender at the center but not falling apart or mushy, about 1½ hours (this could take longer, depending on the beans). The key is to not agitate, which will help the beans maintain their shape. Remove pot from heat; season beans aggressively with salt. Gently stir in oil. Let cool. Drain beans; discard onion, carrot, and herbs.

Do Ahead: Beans can be made 2 days ahead. Keep in liquid; cover and chill.

Vinaigrette and Assembly - Purée cherry tomatoes in a blender. Transfer to a small bowl and stir in garlic, vinegar, and ⅓ cup oil; season with salt. Let sit 15–20 minutes, then pluck out garlic.

Transfer drained beans to a medium bowl and add vinaigrette; toss gently to coat. Taste and add more salt if needed.

Slice, halve, or quarter heirloom tomatoes and arrange on a platter or divide among individual plates. Season with salt and pepper and drizzle with oil. Spoon beans along with plenty of vinaigrette over; top with basil and a few pinches of red pepper flakes.

arcade bakery - a love letter (and the story of a relationship).

This week I realized that my relationship with Tyler has been defined by croissants. 

A month into us dating and a couple of weeks after we arrived back to the states from studying abroad in Europe,  Tyler showed up at my dorm room with a French breakfast in bed. Croissants he had gotten after walking a mile to his car and then driving to Wilmington to find the best version available to us in Delaware. There was butter and jam.  I think coffee too.   To this day it remains one my favorite memories (and probably the single most romantic thing he’s ever done - we peaked early!). 

When we moved in together, Saturday mornings were reserved for breakfast together.  For over a decade it's been the same breakfast.  Scrambled eggs with cheese and lots of black pepper.  Toast with butter and jam.  Coffee with milk and sugar. In the summer there may be berries or sliced peaches.  In the winter there could be grapefruit or oranges.  After we finish our eggs, we share a  chocolate almond croissant.

I use the term share loosely because he eats the edges and saves me the center.  The piece with more chocolate and more almond.  Love is giving the person the better piece because you know it means more to them. 

Some people may find the consistency and routine of this odd.  I find it comfortable.  I like having something to always look forward to.  It's a standing date.  It's something I can rely on in a world where everything always feels like it's moving.  

Since the first croissant there have been countless others.  There was the croissant we shared the first weekend we spent in our new apartment after the hurricane.  There was the one we ate after we got engaged on a snowy morning in December while we watched Pitch Perfect.  There were croissants eaten in AirBnB's in Seattle, Washington and in cars while driving home from Maine.     

But, for almost 5 years, our relationship has been defined by a very specific chocolate almond croissant from Arcade Bakery. 

Arcade Bakery is perfect. It's a bakery that feels like a hidden secret but not in a pretentious way.  Instead it comes across as a gem you just stumbled across in the middle of NYC.  It's in the lobby of an office building and you would never know it was there unless you were looking for it or actually stopped to smell the scent of fresh baked bread and asked yourself where its coming from.   You can find me there once a week.  Buying baguettes and loaves of bread and cinnamon sugar brioche and chocolate almond croissants for our Saturday morning breakfast dates.    

The first time we ever shared an Arcade Bakery croissant was on the morning of our wedding.  I couldn't imagine breaking our routine on our wedding day.  Marriage is about the things you love.  The person you love.  I love Saturday morning breakfasts with Tyler.  I wanted to start our marriage that way.

Since then, they've been a constant.  You can almost always find one or two of them in our freezer.  I have the tendency to buy them in multiples just in case I can't get there one week.   Is this something an insane person does?  Probably.  (I've never said I wasn't crazy.)   We reheat them in the oven, wrapped in tinfoil, for about 10 minutes.  They emerge as if they have been freshly baked.   They are prefect.  

On Friday August 2nd, Arcade Bakery closes.  The owner, Rodger, has rheumatoid arthritis and it's too painful for him to bake bread.  I keep thinking about how cruel life can be.   I keep thinking about his this feels like the end of an era. 

I'm currently on what I am referring to as a reunion tour with them.  Finding every opportunity to go there before it closes.  I feel such a visceral reaction to this bakery in the lobby of an office building.  It's been such a part of my life.  It was constant.  It was happiness.   In a lot of ways it's defined my marriage.  Should food define a marriage?  Why not.  Food is a way to connect people. 

Can love exist between the flaky layers of a chocolate almond croissant?  I think it can.  For me it has.   I'm currently stockpiling our freezer so we have what I am now referring to as "the croissant" for at least a couple of more weeks.  I will be saving the last one for our 5 year wedding anniversary.  You take your year old cake.  I'll take the my months old croissant.   

Last night Tyler asked me what's next.   I don't know.  Maybe it's time we find something new.  Doughnuts?  Chocolate rugelach?  Regular chocolate croissants?  At this moment, nothing else feels quite right.   Perhaps each week is a grab bag and we constantly try new things until we settle on a favorite.  He suggested that maybe I could turn this into a new blog series - what comes after a perfect chocolate croissant?  

Trying new things with him wouldn't be the worst idea.  Maybe we can start creating a new set of memories.  Something else I can love so deeply that I always want to return to it week after week.  

broccoli quesadillas with chipotle-peanut sauce.

It's been a while.

Somehow, some way, we are in the middle of July and I feel as if I blinked and missed half of summer already.  But! It's been a really lovely summer thus far.  Weekends spent all over (Upstate! Miami!  Maine! The Beach!) and cooking/assembling/eating whatever looks remarkably in season and impossibly delicious.  I've been doing less "projects" and more winging it which is fun.  It also means dinner isn't always cohesive but rather a sum of parts.  Take last night for example where we ate grilled shisitos (first of the season!), steamed sweet potatoes with tahini butter, and tomato toasts with goat cheese and pesto.  Not your typical dinner but it was easy and delicious and isn't that the whole point of cooking?   

In addition to winging it, I've also found a couple of recipes that I love so much that they've become a part of our weekly rotation schedule.  Good for days where improvising feels like a lot of work.  These broccoli quesadillas have made the cut because they are fantastic.  Crunchy, spicy, cheesy.  Leftovers are delightful at room temperature the next day.  The best part is the peanut sauce which if you have a Vitamix and make it in there results in the most unbelievably creamy sauce you've ever encountered.  Great with chips, excellent drizzled over any number of vegetables, would also be excellent on a roll in a cemita type of sandwich.  

Broccoli Quesadillas with Chipotle-Peanut Sauce 

Recipe tweaked slightly from Food 52

For the Quesadillas

3 tablespoons canola oil, divided, plus more for cooking quesadillas

1 large broccoli crown (or 2 small), about 400 grams or 14 ounces

Roasted peppers if you happen to have some in your fridge

Kosher salt, to taste

1 lime

1 to 1 1/2 cups crumbled cotija, crumbled queso fresco, or shredded Monterey Jack cheese

6 soft corn or flour tortillas (about 6-inches in diameter)

For the Chipotle-Peanut Sauce

1/2 cup peanuts (I like roasted and salted)

2 chipotle chiles in adobo, plus 1 tablespoon adobe sauce (from the can)

3 tablespoons water

3 tablespoons olive oil

2 to 3 teaspoons honey, or to taste

2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar

Kosher salt, to taste

For Serving

Sliced avocado

Sour Cream/Yogurt Sauce

More limes!

To shave the broccoli: Trim the crown of any discolored areas and cut into quarters. Use the slicing blade of a food processor (or a sharp knife) to cut the broccoli into 1/4-inch slices. You should have about 4 to 4 1/2 cups. Set aside. (Tip: wipe the bowl of the food processor clean, and use it for Step 2.)

To make the chipotle-peanut sauce: In a food processor or blender, combine peanuts, chipotles, adobe sauce, water, olive oil, vinegar, and a pinch of salt. Process until smooth. Taste a small amount to gauge spiciness, then add honey, to taste, to balance the heat. Taste again, and adjust seasoning and acidity. Add more water (a teaspoon or two at a time) to loosen the sauce, if needed.

To make the filling: In a 12-inch skillet, heat 2 tablespoons of oil over medium-high heat. Add the  the broccoli and peppers; season with salt. Cook, stirring occasionally, until the broccoli is crisp-tender, about 2 to 3 minutes. Stir in 3 tablespoons of the chipotle-peanut sauce, lower the heat, and cook another minute to warm through. Season with salt and a few squeezes of lime juice, to taste.

To make quesadillas: In a large skillet, heat a teaspoon of oil over medium heat, then place the tortillas in the skillet (working in batches to fit). Quickly sprinkle the whole tortilla with cheese, then spread the broccoli mixture (about 1/4 to 1/3 cup) over half the tortilla and fold in half. Flip quesadilla; cook, pressing down a few times, until the cheese is fully melted and the tortilla is nicely toasted on both sides, about 4 to 5 minutes in total. **Alternatively, you can make the quesadillas with two full tortillas, which I sometimes do if my corn tortillas aren’t pliable.

For serving, stir together sour cream and 1/4 cup of the chipotle-peanut sauce (or more or less, to taste). Cut quesadillas into wedges, and serve with sour cream and lime.

jam bars.

This past weekend, I spent so much time eating outdoors.  A slice of pizza standing on a NYC street corner.  Salads and asparagus flatbread by the pool.  Focaccia sandwiches of roasted zucchini, kale pesto, and mozzarella in a hidden corner of Liberty State Park.   It was the kind of weather that beacons you outside.    Slight breeze, warm sun, freckled shoulders, bare feet.   

Come summer, I like making food that can travel well.  The kind of cooking that allows for spontaneity and spur of the moment park meet ups or alfresco dinners with friends.  As a natural introvert, I’m trying to set myself up to be more comfortable with asking people to do something on a really nice Sunday afternoon.   If the food can be flexible and adaptable, I like to think it’s possible I can be as well.  

To prepare for all of these impromptu picnics, I plan on having a batch of these bars in the freezer at all times between now and Labor Day weekend.  They are a dream – crispy and kind of cookie-like, filling but not heavy.  The right amount of sweet.  I filled them with a homemade cherry rhubarb jam (I cleaned out the freezer!) but I think they would be amazing with a strawberry jam or apricot jam come late summer.   

Jam Bars 
From Tartine All Day by Elisabeth Prueitt

1/2 cup/110g unsalted butter or coconut oil (vegan!), at room temperature
1/3 cup/85g smooth almond butter
2 Tbsp brown rice syrup or maple syrup
1 1/2 cups/150g rolled oats
1 cup/120g almond flour
1 cup/120g oat flour
6 Tbsp/90g granulated sugar
1 tsp baking powder
1 1/2 teaspoons kosher salt (Diamond)
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 tsp almond extract
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
1 cup plus 2 Tbsp/340g jam 
1 tsp lemon juice
Pinch of sea salt
Sliced almonds (optional)

Preheat the oven to 350°F/180°C. Line a 9 by 13-inch/23 by 33cm baking pan with parchment paper. Combine the butter or coconut oil, almond butter, and brown rice syrup or maple syrup in a large bowl and, using a wooden spoon, mix well.

Add the rolled oats, almond flour, oat flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, vanilla and almond extracts, and cinnamon to the butter mixture and stir until a soft dough forms. Divide the dough into thirds. Press two-thirds of the dough into the bottom of the prepared pan and reserve the remaining one-third for the topping.

Stir together the jam, lemon juice, and salt and then spread the mixture evenly over the bottom crust.

Crumble the remaining one-third dough over the jam filling. If desired, scatter slice almonds on-top.   

Bake the jam bars until golden brown around the edges, about 35 minutes (push it a little bit, you don’t want them pale). Let the pastry cool completely in the pan on a wire rack before cutting into bars.

The jam bars will keep, well wrapped, at room temperature for up to 4 days (or in the fridge, which is kind of nice too).  Wrapped well, they will last for weeks in the freezer.  

chocolate snacking cake with orange glaze.

Several weeks ago Melissa Clark did a story in the NY Times about snacking cakes.  The kind of thing you make when you need a little pick-me-up/a small sugar rush/a little indulgence to go with your afternoon tea.    I loved the article and the premise of the snacking cake.  It just seems like the kind of recipe everyone should have it their repertoire.  Something you can whip up when your friends are having a bad day or you want to celebrate a little victory or perhaps just because (which is the ideal reason).   

I’ve made 2 of the 3 recipes and while the banana cake is a delight (who can say no to a caramel glaze?) it was the chocolate snacking cake with orange glaze that really won me over.  The chocolate cake is deeply chocolaty, spongy, and moist.   The glaze is sweet with the perfect amount of citrus punch and if offsets the bitterness of the cake incredibly well.   It’s a one bowl and maybe 15 minutes of active cook time.  This makes it dangerously easy to bake it pretty much any day of the week.   

Chocolate Snacking Cake With Orange Glaze

Recipe from the NYTimes 

For the Cake

⅓  cup/80 milliliters neutral oil, such as grapeseed or canola, plus more for pan

¾  cup/95 grams all-purpose flour

½  cup/50 grams Dutch-processed cocoa powder

½  teaspoon baking soda

¼  teaspoon baking powder

¼  teaspoon fine sea salt

2  ounces/60 grams chopped dark chocolate (about 1/3 cup)

½  cup/120 milliliters hot coffee

¾  cup/155 grams light brown sugar

⅓  cup/80 milliliters sour cream 

2  large eggs

1  teaspoon vanilla extract

For the Glaze

½  tablespoon finely grated tangerine or orange zest 

1  tablespoon tangerine or orange  juice

1  teaspoon fresh lemon juice

1  cup/115 grams confectioners’ sugar

Heat oven to 350 degrees. Grease a 9-by-9-inch pan and line with parchment paper, letting the two long edges hang over the sides by at least 2 inches.

In a large bowl, whisk together flour, cocoa powder, baking soda, baking powder and salt.

In a heatproof bowl, melt chocolate in the microwave in 30-second intervals, stirring in between. Or you can melt the chocolate in a double boiler over simmering water on the stove, stirring well. Whisk in hot coffee.

Whisk together flour mixture, coffee-chocolate mixture, brown sugar, sour cream, oil, eggs and vanilla. Scrape into baking pan and smooth the top. Bake until the top is springy and a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean, about 35 minutes. Let cool completely before glazing.

When cake is cool, make the glaze: Whisk together tangerine zest, tangerine juice and lemon juice, then whisk in confectioners’ sugar. Taste, and if it’s too sweet, add another drop or two of lemon juice. Pour glaze onto cooled cake, and spread to the edges. Let glaze set for at least 30 minutes before serving.